Monday, November 14, 2005

The 21 Rules every girl needs to live by!

From the Desk of Community, The Head of Morals and Standards:

Okay Okay, put down the self- help books ladies. and stop with the crash diets and binge drinking. Forget what they tell you TO do, we are going to discuss what NOT TO DO based on our previous relationships. And let's go ahead and make that word our first rule....

1. A Relationship is NOT a one night stand, even if he is still there in the morning. Remember, he didn't bring his car, you took him home from Headliner's, you ho.

2. No meaningful relationship is going to come out of a one-night-stand. This does NOT mean he is into you if he keeps calling you every weekend at 3 am. That is no relationship, that is simply the relations.

3. Please wait at least two weeks before doing the deed, otherwise he will think you are easy, and we are not easy bitches, no matter what his friends have said :)

4. No, those aren't your pink thongs...Get the picture?????

5. Two weeks is not a long relationship, that is a prolonged hook-up, calm down, slow down, Gail Pittman has been around for a long time and will continue to make your favorite pattern of pottery when some guy does realize you are queen.

6. Don't leave a quick "goodbye" note with the words "Love ya, (insert shortened and cute version of your name here)." He will drop you like a bad habit

7. Don't tell him you LOVE HIM. Don't tell him directly, don't tell his best friend, and God forbid don't announce it to everyone at Headliners. This type of action will only result in embarassment, for you... and yes, you DO remember.

8. Don't hook up with your best friends boyfriend. Yes, it is the golden rule but we have to remind ourselves. I mean we see them happy and think..."man i want that too" NO you don't. Because in reality he is a guy that cheats and cheats on YOUR friend. Your friends are wonderful, who would want to cheat on them?

9. Don't take a random guy home from ANYWHERE. You really don't want random nobodys to know where you live. Random boys are to make out on the dance floor in the Boom Boom room only, that is IT.

10. Put your phones down, if he wants to find your number, he can find you. After all, think about all the ways your crazy ass knows how to find someone... Does www.whitepages.com ring a bell? Exactly, psycho.

11. Do not answer when he calls the very next day. Screen it, see if he leaves a voicemail, let him sweat...he is not your top priority...You are!

12. Yeah, we are cute enough, and fun enough...we own mirrors, Thanks, asshole!

13. Stop hooking up with your ex...he broke up with you for a REASON, if he wanted to get back together he WOULD HAVE ALREADY!

14. NO! He is NOT SCARED!!!!!!!!

15. NO! You really weren't in love....and it really wasn't the "Best two weeks of your life"

16. For real, quit pickin out china patterns, AND stop thinking about which one of your bridesmaids will walk down the aisle with which one of his groomsmen!

17. Yes, you probaly know someone he's hooked up with, and Yes, you are better and cuter than she ever was!

18. Make sure he is single...and by single we mean...has no WIFE, FIANCE, or GIRLFRIEND!! (Disclaimer: If you are drunk and he is not engaged or married and you dont know the bitch..do whatever you want...he's in the relationship, not you. But stay away from ones who have given rings away and said vows k?)

19. Waterford will make crystle forever, stop already!

20. Find out his REAL AGE, it doesn't matter if he looks 30, he's probably 38!

21. And finally the most important one....Just cause you hook up with classier people does NOT make you any better than anybody else!

Have a good week bitches, and use a rule or two!

2 Comments:

Blogger Marie said...

I must say, i've been sent to "standards" on numerous occasions and these DEFINATELY weren't the rules I was told to abide by. Oh how I wish they had been. You are Hilarious and you know I love ya as much as Taco Bell!

4:15 PM  
Blogger Cameron P said...

Oh great, another blog that thinks it's "Sex and the City"...

I look forward to being bored to death.

3:56 PM  

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